Cameron A Kuehne

I was not aware of the murderous rage churning in the hearts of my family. It was their love of me alone (combined with my ability to pay the bills) that held them at bay every night I would wake them wondering if a large bear or small farm machine was running inside the house. Snoring is the #1 cause of anxiety, depression, hypertension, ambivalence, herpes and violent diarrhea (I’ve been told). But what could I do? I cannot help that I am cursed with a magnificent physique and chiseled features – who knew the price I would pay for all the pixie sticks I shot-gunned in my youth? Well unless you forgot, this is America! And one of our most under-appreciated freedom fighters is Dr. Cameron A. (for “Action”) Keuhne. After a lifetime of (what I only assume) chopping down trees with his bare hands to build bridges across cavernous ravines for underprivileged schoolchildren, Dr. Action Keuhne has crammed three lifetimes of wisdom into his craft (any glimpse of his silver coif will not only dazzle, but confirm this and inspire your very soul). He forged a snore-eliminating mouth guard so effective, my family thought I had died in my sleep (and gone to a heaven of sound rest and rejuvenating dreams better than the most amazing Mountain Dew commercials conceived). If you value your life (and care to spare you family enhanced-interrogation sleep-deprivation torture techniques), you will run, not walk, to the phone to make an appointment TODAY!